A Compulsive Thinker
I’m one of those people who thinks… a lot. I know this must come as a shock to some who’ve read my column over the past months. From reading you’d think I was as shallow as a diaphragm or as deep as my cervix. Given this rare opportunity to confess I thought it best to dispel this image. The way I see it, thinkers take many different shapes and forms. It just so happens this thinker teeters on high-heels and is seen mostly in designer attire.
My usual thoughts are of betterment. How can I become more satisfied with the path my life is taking? How can I get more out of each day? And how can I bring thin lips back in to vogue? (Yes, that’s betterment… I mean seriously, that’s betterment for a whole slue of people for I cannot be the only person on the face of this sexy planet with a less than jumbo set of smackers).
When I’m home alone my mind wanders the most. Now, I don’t find myself with an empty dance card often so it’s these precious moments that I indulge and become thoughtfully self involved. I tend not to bite off more than I can chew, so world peace is off limits. I focus on tangible thoughts, short term goals, like Monday. Monday is a big topic.
What’s so interesting about Monday you ask? Well, Monday is a day of new beginnings. It’s the beginning of the week and it marks the end of an indulgent week end. Consequently, it’s a good time to enter into an act of celibacy. Celibacy might be too harsh of a word. As you know, I would never forbid myself from wanton behaviour, but curbed behaviour does suggest itself every now and then; a calmed respect for sex, food, and indulgence. Monday is the day I choose to start these new acts of resolution. Like losing weight. Like giving up drinking. Like eating better. Like working out. See, I’m no different from anyone else. I’m a compulsive thinker and a cyclical resolutionist.
I know there’s more than just me out there because I was watching a movie the other night and the opening scene was a monologue of the main characters inner thoughts. His thoughts jumped from his next job, to his next meal, next date, then to his appearance, thinning hair, thickening waistline, and state of personal finances. He was all over the map and all I could think, for I was relegated to one thought at this point, was that finally there was someone out there who had a mind that was as jumbled as mine. I actually felt a bit of relief creep in because I figured that if someone took the time to write a movie like this then jumbled brains must be a popular topic. And not wanting to be out of style, part of my relief was that I was in fashion.
Like any controlled substance, one has to be careful with how they use their thoughts. Over thinking is the kiss of death for any chance of betterment. Before Monday arrives Sunday hits. Sunday is a day that, if left to my own free will, can be consumed with over thinking. Over thinking how to better myself leads to, or can lead to, a complete stale mate. A literal quagmire of multi-stepped processes that, if thought about as a collective, take on a life of their own and stop me in my tracks
For instance, a classic Monday resolution: the gym. A lovely thought and one that does require fashionable attire and therefore a possible quick trip to the Church of Consumption; the mall. I always welcome this sort of worship. To earn this though there has to be a commitment. A commitment that can only come true if I can make my way through the pros and cons I create on Sunday night. A compulsive thinker who lives in a world of ‘what if’s’ doesn’t have a hope in hell of accomplishing anything. Not true I suppose considering I do have a gym membership and a very extensive lycra containing wardrobe. To go with that though, and not wanting to break the image of me as supple, svelte, and sleek, there’s a missing adjective: soft. I have curves, some softer than others, but curves none the less. A smart visit to the gym never hurt my feelings, but it does take a good talking to and a crippling confessional to get me through Sunday and committed to Monday.
As fate would have it, Monday just passed and on Sunday I did spend a bit of time thinking about, and talking about, the gym. The pros and cons have been weighed out and I think 2009 is going to be a bang-up year for betterment. I’m coming up with a game plan and I may just be taking myself to the gym on Monday… in a swanky new pair of ass hugging Lulus of course. I mean seriously, after all this thinking a girl deserves a reward.
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