A Consummate Crusher?

Oh yes, you heard it right. Despite my above-average intelligence (one of my previous pieces was on narcissism in case you were wondering) I have a plethora of mad crushes lurking in the back of my closet. There was the telephone operator, the growly coffee-slinger who worked the graveyard shift downtown, the Saturday night barkeep at my old haunt, the bass player that I never even met for a band whose name I can’t remember despite the several pages of lusty poetry devoted to his fine finger work! Yes, a consummate crusher I am. Having just slipped out of a long term relationship, I am rediscovering all the joys of my own company and with it, my faithful friend in dark times… the crush.

One of the best things about crushes is that you can have one on anyone; the coat check girl, the post man, the cute boy a few seats over in class, the barrista at your favourite coffee shop who’s always sure to give you an extra drizzle of chocolate on your half-caf, low fat, soy mocha. It’s the shit dreams are made of, quite literally—the safe fantasy, the flush in your cheeks while you walk up and down the grocery aisle awash in all sorts of impure thoughts. And why not? There’s a certain energizing undercurrent that comes with going through your day entertaining secret romantic notions. It’s sort of like wearing naughty knickers under your most conservative suit. The trick is to maintain perspective. Rule # 1: Know thyself.

Ultimately crushes are all about illusion and that is probably the most important thing to keep in mind. While the beauty of a crush is in the possibility of what might be, the possibility doesn’t always match up with the reality of what is and sometimes crushes can backfire. You might find that your crush is crushing back on you which, depending on where you’re at and what you want, kind of defeats the purpose of unrequited imaginary love. There’s also the possibility that your feelings might evolve into something more serious which can be problematic if your crush isn’t crushing back on you. I’ll admit I have lost my perspective on one or two occasions when it comes to crushes, but I have also been blessed with some lovely experiences. Some of my crushes have evolved into wonderful friendships that are strong to this day, some evolved into brief and tumultuous affairs and one even became a long-term relationship. It just goes to show that you never know where your heart might take you if you let it lead the way!

Crushes can and should be fun and no-one should get hurt. It’s a little bit like the wading pool of love. You can get your feet wet without risk of drowning and the deep end is just a few steps away. When you’re ready, you can dive in.