Infidelity in the Movies

Infidelity. Not exactly the thing you strive for in a relationship. Not something most people brag about past the age of fifteen. Not having been down that road before, I'm not quite sure infidelity is right for me (not sure I want to find out). But I've known a person or two who have been more than willing to acknowledge that they've been screwing their married boss. Still, in North American, heterosexual society, being a cheater isn't exactly praised.

So why am I talking about it? Recently it's been on my mind. Why you ask? It all started with one film: Fur... and it spiralled into a full-on film festival of movies that ask one question: why do people cheat? More specifically, why do women cheat?

I should start by saying, I like movies. In fact, I love them. Some would say: “Kiki, movies aren't real,” some would say: “Kiki, what you see in the movies doesn't happen in real life.” Okay, you let me know when you haven't experienced in real life, at least a part of what you've watched in a film. What I like about movies is that they represent a collective identity of a particular group. You can look at a film from a certain era or genre and know exactly what the dominant society wanted the people of that time to be thinking.

So why are women in film being depicted as the big cheaters? I don't know. But what I find remarkable, and the reason why I'd think to write about it, is that the films I've watched recently about infidelity show women not as passive participants, but rather as the instigators. These films don't demonize women, but instead show them to be courageous, passionate and strong. I love that. So no matter where you sit on the should-I-or-shouldn't-I-cheat-fence, the films below are worth a view for their important depictions of women.

(Please note: rent these movies at your own risk. If for some reason your relationship has recently been on the rocks, your partner might think that by renting these flicks you're considering straying from your roots... just a warning).

Unfaithful (2002 - Adrian Lyne)

If ever there was a movie (besides Fatal Attraction) that said: “maybe you shouldn't go down that road,” this is it. The man who scorned every feminist by turning Glenn Close into a bunny-boiling career woman, returned in 2002 to depict a more realistic view of a woman. The incredible Diane Lane [who broke my heart as Sherri Valance in the Outsiders (1983 - Francis Ford Coppola)], delivers an incredible performance as a married woman who gives it all up for one meaningful fling. Adrian Lyne directs an incredibly sensual film. A film that says: “cheat, cheat if you get a chance, but remember, you'll pay for it later."

On the surface this might seem like a typical story, but on a re-watch I think you'll find a lot of subtleties here. The editing in this film is superb. I know, you're saying: “Kiki, who cares about editing?” Well, when you see the train sequence in this movie you'll think: “I love editing, and fine acting too: I'm convinced.” Yes, there's a bit of a morality tale here, but despite that, I think there is a resonating human story in all this. A story that says: infidelity sometimes happens when we least expect it. It happens when the cosmos sends us hurtling into someone else's arms without a reason for it happening. Watch it.

Out of Africa (1985 - Sydney Pollack)

I watched this film while cat-sitting on Boxing Day and I have to say, this is an intelligent film. It's so intelligent that I thought: how could this have been made in 1985 (let alone now)? If you can get past the most awkward first 5 minutes of a film ever (including bad blue-screen effects and terrible editing), you will realize that this film is a true gem.

Why is it worth renting? It shows us that a marriage of convenience is just that, convenient. It's not real. It's not full of passion. It doesn't wake you up in the middle of the night. A marriage of convenience is something you get into when you feel there is nothing else. Meryl Streep is flawless in this film and the true-life character she depicts, breathes life into the true challenges and consequences of being in a relationship, any relationship. And above all else, it shows the terrible, life-changing consequences that only infidelity can produce. Okay, I've said my piece.

Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus (2006 - Steven Shainberg)

I said it all started with this film (well technically, I sat alone in a movie theater watching Unfaithful 4 years earlier), but yes, in the whole scheme of things, infidelity was on my mind recently because of this film. This is the kind of movie that I wish I'd made. Rotten Tomatoes (if you care about the critiques on this site), gave it a collective thumbs down, but I'm thinking the critics must have been smoking the crack pipe when they watched it, because Nicole Kidman gives an incredible performance in this movie.

Fur doesn't intend to give a mere biopic of the great photographer Diane Arbus, but instead, explains how she found her muse and from her life experiences, created her first photograph. It's a clever way to be introduced to her work... but it's also a great example of how a woman's passion for something/someone outside of her marriage can save her from the suffocation of a dead relationship. The subtle acting, cinematography, and incredible art direction in this film make it worth the rental.

Laurel Canyon (2002 - Lisa Cholodenko)

Okay, I know. You've had enough already... you're not interested in the cheating... so why are we talking about it? From the woman who brought us High Art (a lesbian film that interestingly enough is also about infidelity), Lisa Cholodenko asks us the big question: what is infidelity? Is swimming naked in a pool with someone else cheating? Is talking about what you'd love to do to someone cheating? Is wanting to cheat, cheating?

Francis McDormand is excellent in this film, and then new-comers Kate Beckinsale and Christian Bale deliver strong performances. Although the film isn't great, the performances between the characters sells the show. This film is all about what is and isn't infidelity, and frankly, it's refreshing. Rent it and tell me what you think.

Anything else?

Oh yes, there's always something else. Let me recommend:

Husbands and Wives (1992 – Woody Allen)
Imaginary Heroes (2004 – Dan Harris)
45 (2006 – Gary Lennon)