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Nina Bites

There’s real news and then there’s Hollywood news.  For me, the two blend together like seasons.

The real news: earthquakes, robberies, murder, weather and sports.  Blah, blah, blah.  Not once have I heard Skye Ryan (“reporting live from Nanaimo”) mention the latest in hemlines, speak about a new Botox technique, or divulge a great who slept with who story.   Skye, and other TV news reporters, supply me with just enough information to soak up so I can pass as educated–as long as the conversation I’m having doesn’t linger past cocktail party chatter.  I mean seriously, if world events can be summed up in 60 second sound bites is it really news, or is it just gossip with a more mature story line?

My internal debate of loving all things superfluous wrestles with my desire to truly affect the world.  I often call Entertainment Tonight my ‘news source,’ but with a source like this how much change can I really effect?  Well, actually, maybe a bit.  Lord knows I knew before any of Wolf Blitzer’s fans that Jennifer Lopez was lobbying to guest on Glee.  Hey, maybe I can start an on-line blog to petition for a guest-spot for her?  It worked for Betty White, (channel 18, SNL, May 8), so why wouldn’t it work for the J-to-the-L-to-the-o? 

Without TV where would I be? Where would you be?  Well, if you’re a fan of mine, and I assume you are because you’re reading–READING–this article, you’d be forced to speak in full sentences about things that actually mean something.  To me–and probably to you–that sounds like work.  Don’t get me wrong, I know what’s going on in the world and I care, I really really care about the political shenanigans that are taking place both North and South, but–yes, there’s a but–but I feel a real urgency to help the Housewives of Orange County (channel 26, the 'it' channel for all that is good), more than learn about “Tea Party” politics care of Sarah Palin (if you want to learn about the latest foibles she is besotting her 'real' Americans with, tune in to channel 33).

The poor housewives are feeling the pinch of the failing economy and quite frankly they’re becoming poor–literally.  Some of the girls have even taken to doing their own hair and have let the tanned glow leave their hide, oh sorry, I mean skin.  What is the world coming to when a woman has to sacrifice her spray tan just to make ends meet?  Where’s the humanity in that?

I’ve always heard that you can never be too rich, too thin, or too blonde.  Well, I guess the economy is slaying this little slogan to death.  The rich are getting poorer, the thin are getting thinner (they may not see this as a bad thing), and the blonde are getting drabber.  Yep, the mighty are falling and the landing isn’t graceful.  However, this could bode well for the rich, thin and blonde on the North side of the border...  Can we talk about the loonie for a moment? 

What the hell is up with the strength of our monopoly money?  It’s incredible.  The maple leaf soaring with the eagle?  Who knew that funny money would ever be on the best dressed list?  I could do some serious cross-border damage.  Manolos on par?  Yes please, I’ll take two.  And gosh, who wouldn’t want to take advantage of a fad like this?  I’ll be a fashion victim any season if it means fashion and finance are mingling in sweet unison.  I’d have to be stupid not to.  And lord knows, I’m not stupid—I think I’ve made that about as clear as a Lucite heel.

To me, Hollywood news appeals to the Spring-mind that wants to be entertained.  Real news appeals to the Winter-mind that wants be educated.  I’m between seasons.  I enjoy Hollywood news and real news with a Summer-like glee.  I want to be educated in small bursts of color. 

I’m attracted to all things sparkly and have trouble focusing on any one thing.  My mind wanders like a basted hem so it’s well suited for temporary ponderings.  This could be why I choose to get any theme of news from sound bites rather than political papers or fashion editorials.  There’s no shame in this, and like I’ve said before, I apologize to no one.